Preggosaurus
by That Hobo
Summary: Logan is impregnated and cannot comprehend it.


_I believe this is what would happen if Logan ever got pregnant._

* * *

"_Kendall I love you!"_

"_I love you too!_

"_Ahh, gogogo!"_

"_I'm going, I'm going!"_

...

The events of last night replayed in Logan's head over and over again, but the more he thought about it, the less he could believe it. He was panicking, _severely_ panicking. This couldn't be happening! This couldn't be real! It was physically impossible! He was going to-

"Logan? You in there, dude?"

"Eek! Don't come in!"

"What are you doing in there?"

"Nothing!"

"Dude!"

"Go away!"

"Logan Philip M-"

"I can't- B-_blaaarghhh!_"

"Logan! What just happened? Did you throw up? Or are you trying to sing again?"

"You know what, fu- _Uuurrrggghhhblarghhh._"

"Logan, I'm coming in!"

"No! Don't do it!"

"Here I come!"

"Don't!"

"Are you ready?"

"Stop!"

"Three-"

"No!"

"Two-"

"Seriously!"

"One-"

"James!"

"What? James? I'm Carlos, what are you talking about?"

"Okay, Carlos, get out of here!"

"Ha! Carlos. You can't tell my voice from that doofus?"

"Kendall, leave me alone!"

"But I'm James."

"Wh- F- Car- Jend- K-"

"But wait! It's all three of us!"

The door sprang open, revealing all three of them grinning maniacally. Logan stared at them all, eyes wide and probably the definition of "freaked out." The three others laughed.

"Oh, lighten up, Logie," Kendall told him, before seeming to remember that Logan had just thrown up- the smell and the sight spoke volumes. "Wait."

"Are you sick?" Carlos exclaimed in horror, springing up to him, bringing the back of his hand up to Logan's forehead. Unbeknownst to him, he had used too much force for the action. His hand smacked violently into Logan's forehead, sending the boy flailing to the ground. He groaned in both pain and irritation. "Sorry."

James' attention had been caught by something else. Grinning, he lifted the object. "Hey Logan, you preggo or something?"

All three heads snapped to the plastic-bagged pregnancy test, Logan's eyes widening.

"No," he squeaked, snatching it back and clutching it to his chest. Kendall scoffed and grabbed it with incredible, monster lightning speed he was gifted with. His eyes turned serious and he slowly looked up at each of his friends' faces, the light from above casting dark, ominous shadows over his own face.

"Then why does it say... _**positive?**_"

The room went silent and all heads snapped to Logan. The pressure was stifling; he couldn't _stand_ their scrutinizing expressions, with the narrowed eyes and the pursed lips. He cracked.

"It's my girlfriend's!"

"Camille?" James scoffed.

"You broke up with Camille _forever_ ago," Carlos pointed out. He waggled his eyebrows. "Is there something you want to tell us?"

"Logan got Camille pregnant!" James declared, and Carlos cackled, high fiving James and initiating their four-minute-long _secret_ handshake, turning their backs to the other two to keep it a secret. Then Kendall had to ruin everything. He hadn't spoken the entire time, but now he opened his mouth.

"Guys, he didn't get Camille pregnant." All eyes in the room turned on Mr. Tall, Blonde and Eyebrows. His eyes narrowed and shifted between all three pairs. "_I_ got _Logan_ pregnant."

All three boys gasped in horror.

"It can't be!" Carlos shrieked.

"Impossible!" James agreed.

"Physically impossible!" Logan declared. "I'm _not_ pregnant! I'm a boy!"

"Oh yeah?" Kendall stood up to him. "That's not what you said... _three weeks ago last night!"_

Another chorus of gasps ensued.

"What did my _dick_ say, Kendall?"

"That it wanted to be a real boy. I'm pretty sure your vagina was saying, '_Feed_ me, Kendall, _feed_ me!'"

"But I don't _have_ a vagina!" Logan cried.

"Logan and Kendall are gay!" Carlos interrupted, instigating another handshake with James, which was really just a series of high fives in the most creative ways each could think up, and could also go on for hours if they'd wanted. Kendall and Logan retreated to the corner of the bathroom. Then they decided that wasn't enough and snuck into the shower together. The screech of the curtain closing didn't catch Carlos or James' attention.

"How are you pregnant?"

"I'm not!" Logan shoved at Kendall's chest. "And seriously? '_Feed me?_'"

"Logan, you just threw up. I declare it morning sickness!"

"You're not allowed to declare anything, you- I'm not freaking pregnant!"

"Then what do you call _this?_" Kendall held up the pregnancy test, except he'd dropped it on the way into the shower and he now wielded an empty hand.

"A lack of proof."

"You're pregnant!"

"I'm a dude!"

"But you cross-dress all the time!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Take it back!"

"Phoebe Nachee!"

"That was the only time!"

"You raid my mom's closet all the time!"

"So?"

"See!"

"Shut _up,_ Kend-"

"You raid Mama K.'s closet?" James and Carlos had now joined them in the shower. Logan shrieked and jumped out, whirling to land facing the shower again with his hands stock straight in a fierce karate pose. Except they all knew Logan couldn't do karate.

"There's only one way to solve this," Kendall announced, and all eyes turned to him.

The doctor was not a place Logan wanted to go, but that's where they ended up, and, well, the news was not exactly something Logan wanted to hear.

"I'm sorry, little boy, but you are pregnant."

"But it's impossible!"

"Yeah, well."

"What?"

"I'm sorry, but you're just gonna have to face the facts. You are a pregnant little boy. Now would you like a lollipop?"

"You're insane!" Logan felt his head swelling at the very thought of it. He couldn't be pregnant! He just couldn't! It was impossible! Guys weren't built that way! They just weren't!

"I... I... _I..._"

_**BOOM!**_

Everyone in the room stared at the black smudge on the floor of the hospital where Logan had been standing previously. Little confetti particles of Logan fluttered down from the ceiling, and it was dead silent.

"Oh."

Little did everyone know, this was all a plot by Gustavo to get them back for always disobeying his orders. In the middle of the night he had stolen a growing baby from his secret wife that no one knew about and no one had to know about and implanted it in Logan's stomach. It had started eating away at everything there and that was what had caused Logan to throw up. So it was all just a big misunderstanding and Logan really had no need to explode because there was nothing against the laws of physics going on at the time. Because it was impossible for a guy to get pregnant. Ironic, isn't it, how life works out?

Gustavo was fired the next day by Griffin for being pregnant with eight babies, because of another misunderstanding in which Griffin thought that Gustavo's stomach was his uterus.

**END.**

_Told you._

_Love, That Hobo_


End file.
